Update. :)

I am happy to report that:

A) I have logged every single that I have eaten since Wednesday of last week.
B) Exercised every day but Sunday.

C) I went RUNNING again!  I found a pretty good road that is very low traffic, and has plenty of flat places!  I logged two miles with a 2 minute run/ 1.5 minute walk interval, and felt really strong.  Physically and mentally!  (That was on Saturday.)

D)  I did 20 consecutive push-ups!

E) I made up my own mini circuit training routine, and did EVERY.single.part of it.  I fought harder for myself than I ever have for Jillian.  (That surprised me.)

F) I have been logging my activity pretty much anywhere that I can think of... trying to generate LOTS off accountability.  :)

G) Lots of other things are falling into place. :)

Life is good.

We just got home from a sweaty 90 minute walk around town, up hills and down hills, sometimes pushing both of the boys in the double stroller.  My arms are FEELING it. :)  My friend and colleague contacted me about going for a walk so she could break in some new hiking boots, and was game to have the kids along!  She held hands with the big boy, and at another time pushed the little boy in the stroller... even BOTH of them in the stroller at one time!

It is amazing what a difference ONE day can make.


:)

Today is the day.

Last night was the turning point.


I reached out for help.
I emailed friends asking for support, and information.


And this morning?


Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds for Abs 2 mile walk (using 3 lb weights)


Finished before 7:30 AM.


29 Push-ups, using the Push-up app for my phone.
34 Squats, using the Squat app for my phone.


Finished before 9:30 AM.


And then I was challenged by a friend on one of my facebook groups to add lunges, so I upped the ante even further, and added jumping jacks.


4 sets of:
20 side lunges, 20 jumping jacks -- all weighted with 3 lb  weights)


Finished before 11:30 AM.


AND --
I have tracked my food and exercise on MyFitnessPal.


-----


Then -- as if that wasn't enough...


I read this amazing post by TMB.  (one of my all-time forever favorite bloggers. Just for the record.)
It's all about being comfortable in your own skin.  With who you are, wherever you are, no matter what is going on around you.


Highlights from her post:


Confidence is beautiful.
Strength is beautiful.
Pride is beautiful.

Express yourself however you'd like. Then, own it.
Understand that it doesn't matter what's on the outside. Then, own it.
Be who you are, even if that's not what everyone wants you to be. Then, own it.


Thank you, TMB....  that was so much affirming the changes that were already in progress in my heart of hearts.




And then I read this post by Lindsay, another Prior Fat Girl.


And it's not so much that I related to where she is right now -- because y'all -- she is happy.  And you know -- I love my life. I love my family, I love my job, I love my Savior.  Things are amazing.  We moved to an awesome home (that is having a new furnace installed at this very moment, thank you Mr. Landlord) in a quaint town that I love being in.


But I am miserable with myself.
I hate looking in the mirror.
I hate feeling out of breath when I do things that I could do easily a few months ago.
I hate that I am not fitting comfortably in my clothes (or my own skin).
I hate that I have lost all of my endurance and stamina on the running front.
I hate that I have lost all of my confidence.


And you know what?
I am finally to the point where I am doing something about it.
Again.


How many times in my life am I going to LET MYSELF  get to that point?


My fervent prayer is that the answer will be NEVER AGAIN. 


Last summer-- I was running.  I was Shredding. I was eating healthy things.


I was losing inches, but not losing ANY weight -- according to the scale.


I got so fed UP WITH IT.


So now ---  I am scared out of my mind to commit to eating 2000 calories a day, and exercise again, because if the scale doesn't move again, I will probably throw it off of my deck.  (And unfortunately, be filled with self-loathing.)


But the alternative to not trying is no longer acceptable.


So here I go.
Half -way through the day of my turning point.


It's GO  time.


-------------------------------------------------------


I desperately need community, and accountability, and friends along this journey.
Please... consider becoming my cheerleader/friend.... I'm really good at being that for people, too!


Email me, or comment on this post, or tweet me.