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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Weigh-in Wednesday: The Learning Curve

For the last five minutes I have been muttering to myself about writing this post.


"grumblemuttergrumble accountability grumblemuttergrumble"


You see, I was going to let this weigh-in slide. 
Nothing to report.
Why even mention it?


And then I remembered last Wednesday.
Where I am pretty sure I talked about being accountable
And owning my journey.
And stuff like that.


FINE.


Starting Weight (July 6th):  275 lbs
Previous Weight (July 20th):  269 lbs
Current Weight: 269 lbs
+/- this week:  0
Total lost: 6 lbs



Am I happy?  No.
Did I expect this?  No.
Should I have expected this based on effort? HECK YES.




Giving myself a chance to process, here are some things that I learned this week.


I need to track ALL of my calories.  I need to stop guessing how much I am eating.  I need to stop assuming I am under and that it will be fine.  Because I am either NOT under, and it is NOT fine, or I am TOO far under, and I it is still NOT FINE.


I need to expect that this is going to be a slower process than I want it to be.  I will NOT fit into my cool teacher clothes by August 31st.  I need to find a way to be okay with where I am (and who I am) right now.


I need to keep my body moving. I feel empowered when I exercise.  I feel strong when I exercise.  


I need to track my measurements so that I have something ELSE besides the scale to measure my success.


I am worth the effort and the discipline that this is going to take.


This blog is doing its job.  Here I am, instead of just ignoring a stagnant week, putting it out there.  Owning my progress, and committing to make some changes.


So here is what I am going to do:


I am going to log every single calorie (maybe a day late, because sometimes life happens) at myfitnesspal.


My username is Meredith713.
I have made my journal public.
I want you to be LOOKING AT IT.


I want you to be checking to make sure that have logged all three meals, and usually snacks.


I need you to know that I have a REALLY hard time eating all of the calories that I am supposed to.  Especially if I have exercised.  In fact sometimes, I quit on a workout because I don't know how on EARTH I would eat back all of the exercise calories.


I know that the statement above is not fair for those of you who are hungry all the time because you are not obese, like me.  (Gosh I hate that word.)  It still feels wrong to be having to eat this much.  But I have consulted with experts, and others who are actively using this plan and have achieved results.  And y'all?  I want results.  (so much so, in fact that I am apparently slipping into a southern accent that is NOT my own.)


But more than that?
I want to live my life on purpose.
And I need to realize that in order to achieve goals, I have to weigh each action.  (Every bite. Every time I decide to sit on the couch instead of get up and move.)


I want my children to see that healthy choices are a way of life, and not something to complain about.


And while I am writing a wish list-
I would love for my 16 month old to sleep through the night.
And I would love for my husband to find a job that was closer to us, or daytime hours during the school year (without a reduction in pay, preferably an increase, ha), or both.




Oh ---- and the 16 month old just said WATER when he wanted some!!
(actually, it came out more like wah-wah, of course, but he was thirsty, and he said wah-wah, and he smiled really, really big when I gave him his water and showed that I understood him!)


One more thing.
I did level 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred today.  It felt amazing.  It was hard, and I (mostly) pushed through.  And now my arms are jello. And I couldn't be happier!